I never imagined being in a blended family. Growing up my mother and father divorced when I was two years old. My sister and I spent our lives split between both our parents. My mom met my step dad, my dad met my step mom, and our family became blended from there. 

Needless to say, I love both my parents, and I love the life I was given, but it wasn’t the life I had envisioned for my own children. I wanted the white picket fence, I wanted my children to have their father in the home with us. I wanted three children, a husband, and a house. I wanted to be a stay at home mother, having my home clean and supper on the table when my husband got home from work every night. 

However, God had different plans for me. I got pregnant with my high school boyfriend at 18, I had just finished high school and we had moved up to Sioux Falls. I found out I was pregnant in January, and by February, my boyfriend had decided that partying, drugs and alcohol were more important than the family I had envisioned. He kicked me out of the house we shared with his real father. And I moved back home with my mother. 

Nobody prepares you for that. Being pregnant, 18, and living with your mother. I was very fortunate to have my mother and my family. Eventually I found out I was having a baby girl, I turned 19, I got my own apartment, and I worked a full time job. Eventually I went back to school. Changed my degree from Horticulture Technologist to Cosmetologist. 

19, single, raising a baby by myself, going to college and working a job. I had to grow up quickly. I still wanted a complete family, I still wanted the house, I wanted everything I have always wanted, but now I had my daughter, who I wanted to have a wonderful life. I wanted her to have a relationship with her father, and her fathers family. However you can not force people to want the same thing you do. And you can not make them want to put the effort in either. 

Christmas Eve, the year my daughter turned two, her dad had finally come down to see her, it had been 16 months since the last time he had seen her. He put her to bed, I was happy he was there to see her and spend some time with her. I walked him out of the apartment and he was clearly upset about something. He started yelling at me and got very upset, because the state had found him, and he had to start paying child support and back child support. 

I never wanted to get child support from someone, especially someone who didn’t truly want to be there for their child. Who couldn’t be there for them to support them emotionally and mentally and physically. And I gave him every opportunity.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt, time after time, he would set something up to come and see her, and then just not show. Giving some story as to why he couldn’t make it. As if an excuse would make up for it. In the long run, he was only hurting himself, and the relationship he should have been building with his daughter. 

Fast forward to 2018. 

Every year we have a big town celebration, it was the one time I would take my daughter to my moms, to stay the night, and go out and enjoy myself for a night. This particular year, my sister wanted to come and take my daughter for the weekend. So I had the whole weekend, where I didn’t have to worry about her. 

This is where I met Elliot. 

I had seen him the night a couple of times, walking through the crowds of people. It wasn’t until a mutual friend had called me over, and I actually got to meet him.  We talked and talked, and eventually he and I and a couple other mutual friends made our way down for midnight breakfast at a local restaurant. 

As we parted ways that night, he asked to give me a ride. I only lived a couple of blocks away, but I agreed. I wasn’t worried, as I had his mother as a teacher in high school and I went to school with his younger sister.  He gave me a ride and we continued talking. I didn’t allow him in my house that night and made it very clear to him that I wasn’t one of “those” girls. 

We talked until about 630 in the morning the next day, and exchanged numbers, then went our separate ways. We texted each other throughout the day and eventually traded snap chats. Sunday came and I got to see his children, as the festivities of the weekend were wrapping up. I learned that he was recently separated and that he was going through a divorce and custody battle for his two children.

I was a little apprehensive about getting involved with a man who had been married and  had two children from that marriage. I knew I had always wanted three children. But I also wanted to be able to have my own family, that was truly my own. Not share with someone else. Granted I had already made the decision when I decided to keep my daughter. So maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, maybe I could give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen?

 So we made the decision to try it out. We started seeing each other exclusively. I wasn’t a part of his children’s lives and he wasn’t a part of my daughters. We kept it this way as an out, we didn’t want either of the children to get attached, and if things didn’t work out then we wouldn’t have to worry about breaking any of the kids lives. 

Eventually, things continued to go really well, and I will always remember the day that I finally got to meet his kids in person. After that we started moving forward with our relationship and my daughter and I eventually moved in at the beginning of 2021. 

Like I said before, I never dreamed of being a stepmom, and I never dreamed of having a blended family. I wanted the perfect family, that was full and complete from start to finish. Apparently God had different plans for me. He knew what I truly needed in my life.  It wasn’t a white picket fence in suburbia, it wasn’t a mother, a father, and their three full blooded children. It was almost exactly what I grew up with.  God set me up to be the best person for this job. To help guide my daughter through life, to help guide his children through life. In the best way that I know is possible. 

Is our family going to have some bad days, it’s inevitable. But are we also going to have some pretty awesome days as well! I think yes! And I am so excited to get to bring you all along with me, with us. I plan on highlighting, fathers rights, blending two families to own, and also I plan on keeping you all up to date on how everyday life is in general. 

Thanks for joining, and I am hoping you stick around to grow more with me and my family. Our adventure is just truly beginning.

Cristina Marie ❤